What is true love? Hell, what is love exactly? I know a lot of people think about this question… and some think it’s what you see in the movies or read about in a book. After being with my fiancée for the past 9 months now, I’ve come to this conclusion – it is not 100% like what you see in the movies, and it’s not 100% like what you read about in a book. Granted, there are moments where you’d think it came from a book or a movie.. but let me tell you something, it isn’t always like it. In the movies, you see couples start off dating… and everything goes perfect… and then one bad thing happens… and they break up… and they get back together and live happily ever after. Please wake up now.
I’ll start by telling you readers this: I am currently engaged to someone who is twenty two years older than me. Go ahead, start asking yourself what in the world do we want each other, or what we could possibly have in common with each other. I honestly don’t get those question’s a lot – I’ve gotten those questions three times, total. Also, let me tell you this.. a lot of people think we’re headed down the road for a divorce in the future. I will say, that will only ever happen if he cheated on me – but then again, marriage is “for better and for worse”. I am one of the people who believe in that, strongly.
Yes, we MIGHT have gotten into things quickly – but when you know, you know. In the beginning – the very first couple of months – we had a strong passionate fire… and we were all lovey dovey and very mushy. Now? Those moments are rare, okay, rare isn’t the best word for it. However, it really isn’t all lovey dovey/mushy 24/7. He’s still on my mind every day – but not every second of the day. I’ll still call him throughout the day, and I’ll still text him throughout the day, and it’s vice versa. We still have a fire per say, but it isn’t completely always as strong as it was in the beginning. Does that mean the fire has died down? Oh no! The special, tender, emotional moments still happen.
For instance, he can do something completely random and surprise me – and I’ll get this huge smile on my face – but please know the surprises don’t happen every day. Please know that we’re not sucking at each other’s face every moment we’re together. He has his time, I have my time. We do fight.. and it has gotten pretty bad two times… and comparing that to my previous relationships (which is something I hate doing by the way, I never try to compare another relationship to any relationship), I’d have to say that’s pretty damned good. 2 major fights in 9 months and we’re still going strong? Yeah. That’s amazing.
To me, anyways.
The best surprises are when he comes home early… or he texts me after he leaves in the mornings if I have to wake up late and the text reads “Good morning, beautiful.” Or even “Good morning baby, I love you.” I love the nights that he gets off early and we stay at the house, either he cooks on the grill or he helps me with making dinner.. and then after we eat, we stay up until about 12:30am listening to music and talking to each other. That is a major part in a relationship.. and I strongly stress and believe that. Communication is one of the main keys of a relationship. There was a time where if I got upset – if I got mad or if I got hurt by something – I didn’t say “HEY MOTHER FUCKER, THAT PISSES ME OFF!” Or that it hurt me. (Okay, I definitely do not use that language when I’m talking about my feelings unless it’s about a stupid driver on the road) Now? I’ve learned that if I don’t tell him he did something to piss me off, or if he did something that kind of hurt me or said something that I took the wrong way – he’s not going to know what’s wrong… and if he doesn’t know what’s wrong, he can’t really try to fix it.
I get attached – and I feel no shame in admitting this. You’d think with me having the viewpoint pre-2011 that everybody leaves at some point or another, I wouldn’t get attached… but I do. There’s also something else – I’m a stubborn southern woman. I will fight for something until there’s nothing left to fight for – and I am extremely persistent. He happens to be the same – as far as the stubbornness goes. So, when we’ve fought… if it got to the point to where if one more thing was said everything would be ruined, we’ve walked away for a little bit. I don’t mean we’ve put our relationship on a break, I mean we’ve both walked away to cool off. He’ll go out to his truck and start cleaning it out while listening to music, and I’ll stay inside blaring music while I do something like write or clean the house. Then… within 30 minutes, we’re back in each other’s arms apologizing for the things we said and letting the other one know that we didn’t mean anything that was said and we fix it.
Did you read that?
We FIX it.
We don’t just make up and forget what the fight was about – we FIX it, so it doesn’t come up again.
Also.. in a relationship.. if you’re truly set on being with each other… I’d suggest trying to imagine your life without the other person..
That’s something Jerry and I haven’t had to do, honestly. We’ve had situations happen in the past 9 months that have made us think about it – but other than those situation, we haven’t felt the need to sit there and debate with ourselves “Is s/he the one for me?”
I got into a car accident about a month after we moved in together – and let me tell you this, my blazer (oh how I miss you, rip!) was totaled. I’m talking about completely totaled. The front end of my blazer was up to the window, and the passenger driver’s side was caved in.. and I still have a mark from where my seatbelt cut me. Other than the mark from the seat belt, some bruises on my chest/stomach/knee.. and later diagnosed back problems from the car accident… I walked away from that car accident okay. I will tell you, I hit my head on the window and I blacked out for a few minutes… a few of the things that went through my head were about my family… but also… did I tell Jerry I loved him the last time I talked to him? Did I show him just how much I really cared about him? God please let me have some more time with him, I’m not ready to leave him yet.
Thankfully, the good lord listened. And luckily, Jerry happens to drive a tow truck for a living.. so once I was able to, I called him and had him come tow my car.. and I know it was one of the hardest nights for him… but I also know without a doubt how much harder it would’ve been if I hadn’t been alive to sit in the wrecker with him headed back to Columbia from the accident. The place where I had my accident at was about 30-45 minutes from Columbia, depending on traffic. He got there in 7 minutes.
Another time… that had us both scared… was when Jerry had his allergic reaction. His throat started to swell… and I had to be the one to drive him to the hospital (thankfully, it was the day after I had gotten my license). We were there from 8pm-6am the next morning. They had him on oxygen… and I was so scared something bad was going to happen, and on the way to the hospital.. I know we were both worried about a cop stopping me… BUT. At the time of me driving to the hospital, I didn’t care. There could’ve been twenty cops behind me with their sirens going – I wouldn’t have stopped or pulled over until I got to the emergency room.
THEN! The most recent event – the house fire. Oh yes, the house fire. I have burn marks on my hand from that day! It’s amazing how within five seconds a fire can start… I had just put a pot on the stove (on medium, and yes I’m sure!) and it had a little bit of oil in it… I turned my back for a second, long enough to get a bag of fries out of the freezer… and next thing I knew I was staring at a campfire in my kitchen! Just without the wood or the marshmellows… I had tried calling Jerry to find out what I needed to do exactly… and I couldn’t get ahold of him because of stupid Verizon (-.-), and I got ahold of my mom… and each time I tried to put the fire out –it got bigger… and that’s how I got burned. SO I hung up on my mom and called 911… and they told me to get out of the house immediately and wait for help.. but my dogs (who are my babies) were inside… and at the time, our black lab mix was a very very small little girl… I got ahold of our wiener dog, Buster… but I couldn’t find Kodiak.. so I had Buster outside while I remained in the house looking for her… because the house quickly filled up with smoke… and it was really hard to see…
Next thing I knew, Jerry was pulling up in the wrecker, and his first question was “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” And when I told him about the burns, he noticed I had buster in my arms, but Kodiak wasn’t in sight, and I kept screaming for him to get her out… and then like a second later, two fire trucks came to the rescue… and as they were loading me up in the ambulance to take me to the ER for my 2nd/3rd degree burns, one of the firefighters came out of the house with Kodiak… who I was never more relieved to see okay… I held her, and I cried.. and Jerry came over and kissed my forehead while he took her from me…
You see, Jerry is my family. Kodiak and Buster… even though they are four legged animals, they are my children. Those three people are my family, and nothing can every change that. Yeah, I thought about me not being able to get out okay, but it didn’t matter as long as they were okay… and believe me, I have asthma so it’s pretty scary when an asthma attack comes on..
But please don’t believe love is like you see on the big screen or on a page in a book. It’s not.
It gets hard.
It gets tough.
It gets rocky as hell.
Sometimes you think that he doesn’t care about you.
Sometimes you think that she doesn’t care about you.
Then something magical happens, you talk..
You express your feelings.
You make an agreement to work on things to get to where you, as a couple, are supposed to be.
Life isn’t glamorous, and neither is love. But… it is worth it.
So worth it.